Sex techniques from
ancient India enhance the physical and spiritual elements of making
love
Tantric Lovemaking and
Intimacy
by Kerry Riley
Tantra is a spiritual
science from ancient India and in its basic essence, very similar to
Taoism from China. Both involve balancing the male and female
energies to create harmony and have an ultimate goal of unity or
spiritual ecstasy, known as enlightenment. Tantra encourages one to
explore every aspect of life. So obviously the study of sexuality
was included, not only included but in fact revered.
Making love was seen as a
gift to God. So there was no repression or guilt attached to sex. It
taught that when a man approaches his beloved he should have a
sacred feeling as if he were going into a temple. The art of sexual
love was the noblest of arts to study. As a young person in ancient
India you could go to the sacred temples and be taught lovemaking
secrets by Darkas and Darkinis, the priests and priestesses of love.
The study of sexuality in the west is very new, whereas relics of
Tantric rituals date back nearly five thousand years. So there is an
incredible wealth of knowledge we can draw on and use in our own
lovemaking.
Tantric lovemaking can add
to the ways you make love in three major areas: Firstly: It gives
you ways to reach heightened states of ecstasy and pleasure beyond
the realms of normal sex.
Secondly, it teaches you
ways to open to more love so that your heart opens even more to your
partner and you remember how great it feels to be deeply,
passionately "in love."
Thirdly, it teaches Sacred
Sex -- ways to transform your lovemaking into a sacred experience
which will touch you on every level of your being, body, heart and
soul.
A male can increase and
expand the amount of ecstasy he can have and at the same time
increase the length of time he is able to make love so that his
partner has a chance of reaching higher states. Ejaculation control
is an essential skill to master so that during lovemaking, instead
of ejaculating at the first peak of energy which a lot of men do,
they can learn instead to peak with that energy and use techniques
to spread that energy throughout the entire body. Then as the
urgency for ejaculation subsides, continue to make love again until
reaching another peak - much higher than the first peak and then he
can use techniques to peak and spread the energy again. As he
Continues to do this, reaching higher and higher peaks of ecstasy
and at the same time his beloved is feeling that energy and is being
warmed up to higher orgasmic states.
In Taoist sexuality writings
they say, the woman is like water and the man is like fire. What
normally happens is the water puts out the fire too quickly, the man
is left exhausted and the woman is frustrated. They say there are in
fact nine levels of a woman's orgasm, nine levels that she goes
through before she's fully nourished sexually before her Shakti, her
sexual spiritual energy is fully awakened. Most women have their
first orgasm at level four; the man ejaculates and the other five
levels are rarely reached. We as conscious men, as extraordinary
lovers need to be able to make love as long as necessary to satisfy
our woman and at the same time reach higher orgasmic states
ourselves.
There are two exercises, two
techniques that will help with ejaculation control. One is P.C.
Muscle exercises and the other is the breath.
These exercises are also
beneficial for women to extend their orgasmic response, taking more
pleasure for herself and to give more pleasure to her partner. The
P.C. muscle is the major muscle of contraction in both sexes for
orgasm, so strengthening it increases sensations of pleasure.
The P.C. muscle extends from
the base of the spine where it is connected to the coccyx, to the
front of the body where it is connected to the pubic bone.
A good way to locate the
P.C. or love muscle for yourself is that next time you are urinating
try to stop the flow of urination in mid stream. This will give you
the feeling of activating the muscle. Then later on in your own
private space practice tensing and releasing the muscle several
times so that you get the sense of how to do it you can know. It is
a good idea to incorporate these P.C. Muscle exercises into your
daily routine, associating them with some particular activity you do
independent of your lovemaking sessions. Then these exercises will
become habitual and you won't have to set aside a special time to
practice. For example you can practice while you drive or travel too
and from work. No one will know you are doing it and it can be quite
enjoyable. One of our friends in fact, Helen said she started doing
this every day for a month while driving to work but unfortunately
she had to stop because she said the sensations were getting so
strong that she couldn't concentrate at work because she couldn't
think about anything else at work other than sex and she couldn't
wait to get home to her lover.
And once a man has a strong
P/C he can spread the sexual energy up and through his body during
lovemaking so he can experience wave after wave of peak pleasure
without coming so that he can make love for as long as he chooses,
maybe even hours!
Another secret is working
with your breath. What most men do as excitement builds up is hold
their breath as they get close to climax. If men are to reverse the
flow of sexual energy the best way is to breathe slowly, deeply and
rhythmically.
For women to enhance your
own ecstasy you can us the P.C. Muscle and breath exercise also. You
can do this at peaks of energy to spread the orgasmic energy
throughout the body. Another way you can enhance your pleasure is to
mentally trace or visualize the energy running up the inside of the
legs through the calf, the knees and thighs up into the vagina. This
is especially good to do if the mind is wondering off onto other
things while making love; it helps focus the energy.
Some women need to focus it
rather than to spread it and this can amplify the orgasmic response
you already have and is especially good for women who find orgasm
elusive. What you do is to keep squeezing the P.C. Muscles without
spreading the energy. To squeeze the muscles and to feel the charge
building up and keep squeezing the P.C. again. It is important to
release and bear down as well; this also acts as a focus. Playing
with these elements of breath, P.C. Muscle, visualization, as well
as movement and sound you can extend your orgasmic potential to one,
two, three or even more orgasms. All women are capable of extending
their orgasmic potential. The woman's Shakti is unlimited. The
Shakti is the sexual spiritual energy of which women are the
custodians. As the Shakti awakens so does the priestess, the healer,
the empowerer and the goddess of love within.
A woman's sexual awakening
can propel her on a spiritual path. Men may practice celibacy and
achieve spiritual enlightenment, but according to the Tantric texts
women's enlightenment is facilitated by the electric charge of her
orgasmic nature.
The next important element
is the heart. A lot of people have coined the term, 'Making love'
whenever they have sex but to me making love is a higher vibration a
unique blending of your sexual passion, the heat of your genitals
with the deep love and intimacy you feel in your heart. Men who are
able to feel their love and share their deep feelings will never
have any shortage of women in their lives. The challenge becomes how
much love and deep intimacy both partners can bring into lovemaking
and a great secret for you to know is the way to a woman's sexuality
opening up, the way to her shakti, her sacred place is through the
heart. So how can we bring more intimacy into our lovemaking, more
heart connection?
Well one way to create more
intimacy is through eye contact, we often shut our eyes while making
love and go into our own space which can be really nice of course,
but to be more intimate look at your beloved a lot more while making
love. Your eyes are the window to the soul, look into each other's
eyes and tell each other how much you love each other, how much you
enjoy being with them, how precious they are to you and that's the
second thing you can do to create more intimacy. Talk to your
beloved while making love. Tell them what your thoughts are: "I love
you. Your fragrance is like jasmine/musk, you make me feel so good."
This is very powerful to create more intimacy.
Another thing you can
incorporate into your lovemaking for more intimacy is romance.
Romance is an important ingredient to encourage intimacy, an
atmosphere of romance is always conducive to higher lovemaking
experiences and women dearly love it. So in creating the atmosphere
see yourself as a great lover and let your creative self step out of
the ordinary and create something out of the ordinary and create
something magical, something extraordinary.
You can include things like
creating a special time where everything else is left looked after,
a special time where you won't be interrupted and a special space
for making love. Maybe not even in the bedroom, maybe going to a
different place altogether but make it very special. Prepare the
room and prepare each other, bathe together, towel each other down.
Use things like massage, candle light, incense, special treats to
eat and drink, romance is foreplay to a woman and brings a male in
touch with his softer side.
So as a man if you want more
lovemaking you then learn to be more intimate because the way to a
woman's sacred place, the way to her yoni is through the heart -
through intimacy. Intimacy means In-To-Me-See. Allow yourself to be
seen, create more intimacy, and allow your inner feelings to be
expressed.
Women can interpret any lack
of intimacy as coldness and the colder she feels you are in the
heart, the colder she becomes in the yoni. So what happens is she
doesn't want to make love she shuts down her sexuality and that's
usually because she's not getting enough attention, enough intimacy
through the day or through the relationship and because she shuts
down her yoni he starts to close down his heart. He shuts down
intimacy. She then further shuts down yoni and it goes on and if it
continues long enough then a couple caught in this cycle may be
headed for separation.
Once you're aware of the
fact that she is coming from the heart and what she wants is
intimacy, romance, and she becomes aware that as she keeps shutting
down sex she's never going to get his intimacy, he can do something
about it. Being in touch with your heart and how much love you can
feel is a wonderful aspect of Tantric lovemaking secrets.
Next time you're making love
stop in the middle of your lovemaking, stop the movement and just
ask yourself how much love are you feeling right now and open up
your heart and try to feel more of the intimacy, more of the love
that the two of you are generating between you.
The third aspect of Tantric
lovemaking is Sacred Sex. Tantric lovemaking can be a spiritual
practice. In ancient India lovemaking was seen as a way to god. When
I tell some people that we use lovemaking in our relationship as
part of your spiritual practice they are often shocked. So I ask
them what their practices are and they often say either meditation
or prayer. Well both meditation and prayer can be brought into your
lovemaking and it's much more fun that way.
If you love sex and you like
mediation or you would like to incorporate meditation into your life
then you will love this practice.
One practice of tantric
lovemaking as a mediation I to sit opposite your partner, close your
eyes, and imagine energy moving up your spine on the inhalation with
the squeezing of the P.C muscle, and down the spine with the
exhalation and releasing of the P.C.
Continue this practice for
several minutes and then open your eyes, co-ordinate your breathing
with your partner. Then start to exchange energy. As you release the
energy down your spine imagine it passing through your genitals to
your beloved's sacred parts, then moving up to their heart centre in
the middle of their chest.
On the inhalation contract
the P.C muscle and imagine the energy that is now mixed with your
partners coming back to you through the same way. Practice this also
while making love or kissing. After five or 10 minutes of doing this
practice called 'Red Tantra' you often get a sense of merging into
your partner, a sense of expanding consciousness, of melting into
the cosmos.
Eastern religions would call
this a state of samadi or bliss. You may have had experiences
like this during lovemaking but didn't know how it happened or how
to experience it again. Through the practices of 'Red Tantra' you
can reach this state at will.
These are only a few
techniques of tantric lovemaking, there are over 2,000 years of
tantric lovemaking secrets and practices that you can explore to
expand the already wonderful ways you make love. Practicing Tantra
as a couple can be a journey into love to explore together brining
more love, joy and passion to a relationship. Using Tantra as a
meditation focuses the mind on the present moment connecting the
spirit with the cosmos and the eternal now.
To find out more about
Tantric lovemaking, visit
www.TantraCourse.com.
Kerry and Diane Riley
have been teaching Tantra and relationship seminars over the last 15
years in Australia and Internationally. Their work is practical for
modern lovers and was featured in the video "The Secrets of Sacred
Sex." They have a series of Mp3s and a Home tantra course. Diane
also conducts special woman to woman workshops on shakti, and Kerry
runs private consolations for men.
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